We're like a lot better than the average bears
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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