STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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