I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize