she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone shattered a urinal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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