i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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