Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
