it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
