just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dicks are not precious.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
