My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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