I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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