If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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