I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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