he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
