Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
