no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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