I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize