She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
