And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
