we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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