She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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