:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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