Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its about making memories worth repressing
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
