i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
