Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
