The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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