His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
