does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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