she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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