arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
