he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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