It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
