i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
