loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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