i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
