all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
