If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
