and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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