She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
