sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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