Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
