so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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