is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
