Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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