Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize