Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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