My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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