My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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