i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
