How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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