Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude i'm inner monologue high
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
