she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So much rum. So many feels.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
