So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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