my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
