it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
