doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
