dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
