I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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