90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
