Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
