Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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