don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
