Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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